Monday, May 27, 2013

The Babymoon's Over

The Taboo Carnival
Welcome to the Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Spring is “I Miss My Life!” This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on life before and after motherhood and “missing” some of the aspects of life without children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Our babymoon happened by accident.  We didn't have an ideal set-up during my pregnancy.  I was temporarily staying with my mom in Oklahoma after being booted out of Angola, and EJ was traveling back and forth, looking for a place where we could move our new family.  During this time, EJ was enrolled in a training class in Houston.  So I  dropped everything I was doing and flew with him to Houston.  Ok, so what I was doing was lots of lounging, indulging pregnancy cravings and blog reading, but still! It was fun because it was like old times when we were doing the long-distance dating thing, and I would take off from work to spend a few days with EJ in Houston whenever he had a training or seminar.  

But this was the first time ever that I had no real commitments--no job, no obligations, no guilt…my only priorities were to take care of myself and spend time with my husband.  So that's what I did!  It struck me that it was the first time and possibly the last.  At least, for a long time.  My babies would be born soon.  We would be living far away from any friends or family.  

So, yes, I can say that at times I wish we'd waited longer to have kids, if only to be able to guiltlessly focus on each other a little while longer.  Right now it's all about the babies.  I miss being a wife.  Before having the twins, I was sure that I wouldn't become one of those mothers who leaves their husbands behind, fending for themselves among the dirty diapers and mountains of laundry.  Unfortunately, I have been so overwhelmed with the babies, with our new home, with life as a new MoM, that I'm afraid that's kind of what happened.  

We've been lucky to have some help in the past few months--in April, EJ's younger sister came to visit, and for the past couple of weeks my mom and sister have been here.  We've had a couple of date nights.  It's nice, but I don't think it's enough.  We are still operating on survival mode, even though surviving looks different now than it did six months ago.  Even so, I know we need to muster up whatever little energy we have left and rededicate ourselves to each other.  And I hate that my husband (and hey, myself, for that matter), gets leftover scraps.  I miss being able to give freely to my husband.  

I love being a mom, but sometimes I miss just being a wife.  

Did your relationship change after having kids?  

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*** Visit Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Taboo Carnival! Enjoy the posts from this month’s Carnival participants!
  • 10 Drastic Differences Between Life Before and After Becoming A Mother — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama compares her life before and after becoming a mother and muses on why it is pretty incredible despite never having a moment alone.
  • Everyone Misses Sleep — Jorje of Momma Jorje misses the same things that most moms miss, but with some little quircks...
  • Sometimes — ANonyMous @ Radical Ramblings reflects on the things she misses about being childless, despite the fact she wouldn't change her decision to become a mother for anything.
  • The Baby Moon is Over — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot remembers her babymoon and misses the simplicity of being a wife before children.
  • I miss my life, but not as much as I love this one. — Cara of CarasJeans reflects on how she copes with the difficult and selfless, yet profoundly rewarding, task of raising Irish twins in her young 20's.
  • I miss the life that never was. — Amy at Anktangle doesn't pine for days and years past, but she does miss the life she thought she would have when she became a mother.
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